Remember the early days of your relationship? The spontaneous adventures, the late-night conversations, the laughter that seemed to come so easily? Everything felt new and exciting, and every moment together was an adventure.
But as relationships mature, it's easy for that sense of fun and excitement to fade. Life gets busy with work, bills, chores, and other responsibilities. Routines set in, and before you know it, your relationship feels more like a partnership of convenience than a source of joy and adventure.
But it doesn't have to be this way. Fun and excitement are not just for new relationships—they're essential for keeping any relationship alive and thriving. In fact, research shows that couples who prioritize fun and playfulness are more satisfied with their relationships and more likely to stay together long-term.
With a little creativity, intention, and effort, you can inject fun and excitement back into your relationship, creating a bond that continues to grow and thrive for years to come.
The Importance of Fun in Relationships
Fun is often seen as a luxury in relationships—something that's nice to have but not essential. But the truth is, fun is a critical component of a healthy, long-lasting relationship.
"Fun and playfulness are not just frivolous activities—they're essential for building and maintaining emotional connection," explains Dr. John Gottman, a psychologist who has studied marriage and relationships for over 40 years. "Couples who play together stay together."
Research supports this idea. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who engage in novel and exciting activities together report higher levels of relationship satisfaction than couples who stick to routine activities.
Fun and excitement serve several important functions in a relationship:
- They build emotional connection: Shared laughter and adventure create positive memories and strengthen your bond.
- They reduce stress: Fun activities help you relax and take a break from the pressures of daily life.
- They increase intimacy: Trying new things together can create a sense of closeness and vulnerability.
- They keep the relationship fresh: Novel experiences prevent the relationship from becoming stagnant.
- They remind you why you fell in love: Fun activities can reignite the feelings of joy and excitement you felt in the early days.
Common Barriers to Fun in Long-Term Relationships
There are many reasons why fun and excitement can fade in long-term relationships. Understanding these barriers is the first step to overcoming them.
1. Busy Schedules
One of the most common barriers to fun in relationships is simply being too busy. Between work, family, household responsibilities, and other commitments, many couples find it difficult to find time for fun activities.
"When life gets busy, fun is often the first thing to go," explains Dr. Gottman. "But this is a mistake. Fun and play are essential for maintaining a healthy relationship."
2. Routine and Predictability
As relationships mature, routines set in. You may find yourselves doing the same things week after week—watching the same TV shows, eating at the same restaurants, following the same schedule.
"Routine can be comforting, but it can also lead to boredom," explains Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist who studies love and attraction. "Our brains crave novelty and variety, and this applies to our relationships as well."
3. Financial Constraints
Many couples assume that fun activities have to be expensive—dinner at a fancy restaurant, a weekend getaway, tickets to a show. But financial constraints can make these activities difficult.
"Fun doesn't have to be expensive," explains Dr. Gottman. "There are plenty of free or low-cost activities that can be just as fun and meaningful."
4. Lack of Energy
After a long day at work or taking care of family responsibilities, many people simply don't have the energy for fun activities. They'd rather relax at home than go out and try something new.
"It's important to remember that fun activities can actually boost your energy, not deplete it," explains Fisher. "Laughing and engaging in enjoyable activities releases endorphins, which can help you feel more energized and positive."
5. Taking Each Other for Granted
In long-term relationships, it's easy to take each other for granted. You may stop putting in the effort to plan fun activities or surprise each other, assuming that your partner will always be there.
"Taking your partner for granted is one of the biggest relationship killers," explains Gottman. "It's important to continue courting your partner and making them feel special, even after many years together."
How to Inject Fun and Excitement into Your Relationship
Injecting fun and excitement into your relationship doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. With a little creativity and intention, you can create memorable experiences that strengthen your bond.
1. Prioritize Playtime
One of the most important things you can do to keep fun alive in your relationship is to prioritize playtime. This means setting aside dedicated time for fun activities, just as you would for work or other responsibilities.
"Playtime should be a non-negotiable part of your relationship," explains Gottman. "Schedule it into your calendar, just like you would a doctor's appointment or a work meeting."
This could mean scheduling a weekly date night, setting aside time on the weekend for a fun activity, or even taking a midweek break for a quick adventure.
2. Try New Things Together
Novelty is essential for keeping a relationship exciting. Trying new things together creates shared memories and helps you grow together as a couple.
"Novel experiences trigger the release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward," explains Fisher. "This can help recreate some of the excitement of the early days of the relationship."
Trying new things together could mean:
- Taking a class together (cooking, dancing, painting, etc.)
- Exploring a new neighborhood or city
- Trying a new hobby (hiking, birdwatching, photography, etc.)
- Going on a spontaneous road trip
- Trying a new restaurant or cuisine
3. Incorporate Play into Daily Life
Fun doesn't have to be reserved for special occasions—it can be incorporated into your daily life.
"Playfulness can be as simple as teasing each other, telling jokes, or engaging in silly banter," explains Gottman. "These small moments of play can add up to a more fun and fulfilling relationship."
Incorporating play into daily life could mean:
- Playing a game together while waiting for dinner to cook
- Having a dance party in the living room
- Making funny faces at each other across the dinner table
- Texting each other silly memes or jokes throughout the day
- Having a pillow fight or tickle war
4. Create Traditions
Traditions can be a fun way to create structure and anticipation in your relationship.
"Traditions create a sense of continuity and belonging," explains Gottman. "They give you something to look forward to and create shared memories that strengthen your bond."
Creating traditions could mean:
- Having a weekly movie night with popcorn and candy
- Going on an annual vacation to the same place
- Having a monthly game night with friends
- Creating a holiday tradition (decorating the tree together, baking cookies, etc.)
- Having a quarterly "adventure day" where you explore somewhere new
5. Surprise Each Other
Surprises can be a fun way to inject excitement into your relationship. They show your partner that you're thinking about them and that you care.
"Surprises don't have to be big or expensive," explains Fisher. "Even small surprises can make your partner feel loved and appreciated."
Surprising your partner could mean:
- Bringing them their favorite coffee or snack
- Planning a surprise date night
- Leaving a love note in their wallet or purse
- Buying them a small gift that reminds you of them
- Planning a surprise weekend getaway
6. Be Spontaneous
Spontaneity can be a fun way to break out of routine and add excitement to your relationship.
"Spontaneous activities create a sense of adventure and can help you feel more alive," explains Fisher. "They remind you that life is full of possibilities."
Being spontaneous could mean:
- Taking a random road trip on a whim
- Dancing in the rain
- Going stargazing late at night
- Taking a day off work to spend together
- Exploring a new part of town without a plan
7. Laugh Together
Laughter is one of the most powerful tools for keeping a relationship fun and healthy. It reduces stress, strengthens your bond, and creates positive memories.
"Couples who laugh together stay together," explains Gottman. "Laughter creates a positive emotional climate in the relationship, which helps you navigate the tough times more easily."
Laughing together could mean:
- Watching a funny movie or TV show
- Sharing funny stories from your day
- Playing a silly game
- Going to a comedy show
- Just being silly and playful with each other
8. Challenge Each Other
Challenging each other can be a fun way to grow together and add excitement to your relationship.
"Challenges create a sense of teamwork and can help you feel more connected," explains Fisher. "They give you something to work towards together."
Challenging each other could mean:
- Training for a race or competition together
- Setting a fitness goal and working towards it together
- Learning a new skill together
- Starting a business or project together
- Taking on a DIY project at home
Fun Activities for Every Budget
Fun doesn't have to be expensive. There are plenty of fun activities you can do together regardless of your budget.
Free or Low-Cost Activities
- Going for a hike or walk in a park
- Having a picnic in the park
- Going stargazing
- Having a movie marathon at home
- Playing board games or card games
- Exploring a new neighborhood
- Visiting a free museum or art gallery
- Having a dance party in your living room
- Going window shopping
- Having a game night with friends
Moderate-Cost Activities
- Taking a cooking or baking class together
- Going to a concert or live show
- Taking a day trip to a nearby town or city
- Going to a amusement park or zoo
- Taking a dance class together
- Going to a sporting event
- Having a spa day at home
- Going kayaking or canoeing
- Taking a wine or beer tasting class
- Going to a comedy club
Splurge-Worthy Activities
- Taking a weekend getaway to a romantic destination
- Going on a cruise or all-inclusive vacation
- Taking a hot air balloon ride
- Going skydiving or bungee jumping
- Taking a cooking vacation in a foreign country
- Going on a safari or other exotic adventure
- Taking a private yoga or meditation retreat
- Going to a luxury spa together
- Taking a helicopter tour of your city or a scenic area
- Going on a wine tour in a wine region
Overcoming Resistance to Fun
Even with the best intentions, you or your partner may resist the idea of injecting more fun into your relationship. This is normal, especially if you've fallen into a routine.
Common Reasons for Resistance
- Busy schedules: "We don't have time for fun."
- Fatigue: "I'm too tired to do anything fun."
- Financial concerns: "We can't afford to do fun things."
- Embarrassment: "I feel silly doing playful activities."
- Resistance to change: "I like our routine."
How to Overcome Resistance
- Start small: If your partner is resistant to big changes, start with small, low-pressure activities.
- Frame it as self-care: Explain that fun activities are not just for entertainment—they're essential for your mental health and the health of your relationship.
- Focus on the benefits: Talk about how fun activities can reduce stress, improve your mood, and strengthen your bond.
- Lead by example: Plan a fun activity and invite your partner to join you.
- Be patient: It may take time for your partner to warm up to the idea of more fun in your relationship.
Making Fun a Habit
Injecting fun into your relationship isn't a one-time fix—it's a habit that needs to be nurtured and maintained.
How to Make Fun a Habit
- Schedule it: Put fun activities on your calendar and treat them as non-negotiable.
- Be consistent: Try to do something fun together at least once a week.
- Mix it up: Try different types of activities to keep things fresh.
- Be open-minded: Be willing to try activities that your partner enjoys, even if they're not your first choice.
- Celebrate milestones: Use special occasions as an opportunity to do something fun and memorable.
When Fun Feels Forced
There may be times when trying to inject fun into your relationship feels forced or unnatural. This is normal, especially if you've been in a routine for a long time.
What to Do When Fun Feels Forced
- Start with activities you already enjoy: If trying new things feels forced, start with activities you already know you both enjoy.
- Be patient: It may take time to get back into the habit of being playful together.
- Talk about it: If fun feels forced, talk to your partner about why it feels that way.
- Adjust your expectations: Remember that fun doesn't have to be extravagant or perfect—it just has to be enjoyable.
Conclusion: The Joy of Lifelong Play
Fun and excitement are not just for new relationships—they're essential for keeping any relationship alive and thriving. By prioritizing play, trying new things, and injecting spontaneity into your relationship, you can create a bond that continues to grow and evolve for years to come.
Remember that fun doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate. It can be as simple as sharing a laugh, going for a walk, or trying a new recipe together. The most important thing is that you're spending quality time together and creating positive memories.
So go ahead—be silly, be spontaneous, be playful. Your relationship will thank you for it.
After all, life is too short to be serious all the time. Let yourself have fun, and watch your relationship thrive.